The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i will never coherently bang her
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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