your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
