I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
