Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
