I just cut my nipple shaving
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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