it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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