your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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