Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we're so committed to being not committed
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
