And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
