he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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