Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
