I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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