my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
