I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
