All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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