I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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