so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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