They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
