you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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