Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
