barbara walters just said penis...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
