After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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