all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
