i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
