ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
