I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
