Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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