Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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