my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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