what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
