id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
