Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
