That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
