i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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