as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Mom said you looked used
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
