We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Alive.
So much puke
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
