the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
