so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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