I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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