he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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