the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
