It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
