I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
