yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
