Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
