awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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