I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
