Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
