We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
