i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
