no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
