It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
