fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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