Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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