why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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