Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
