Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
