i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
